i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
