Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
