Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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