So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
