garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
