Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
