so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
