He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
