cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
