That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
