We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
