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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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