keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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