Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
