puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
