The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
