wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
