While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
