i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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