She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
