I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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