Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I deserve to be covered in dicks
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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