My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
