yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
