i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
