tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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