I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
