I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
