shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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