where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
