should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
