just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
how drunk are you?
Several
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
