Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
