there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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