if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
