i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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