At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
