We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So much Jack, so little girl.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
