Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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