I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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