i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Randomize
