my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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