He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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