so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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