"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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