Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
