So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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