So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
