i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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