Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
