I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Green mimosas i think yes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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